Podcast 15: Best Emotional Intelligence Books

In this episode Joanne Williams, LCSW will discuss Top books on Emotional Intelligence Tony Robbins 'Unlimited Power' and Esther Hicks 'Ask it is Given' and comments on how the Words we use Matter and Joanne explains Where our Beliefs come from.  An interview with Cara Lumen about the importance of the words you choose on your Beliefs.

Summary of today Podcast:

• Quotes from several books that are known for Emotional Intelligence
• Looking at Beliefs, thought patterns and how they affect our life
• Learned Helplessness from a Shocking rat experiment
• Our Emotional Brain and how it affects our thoughts and emotional reactions and how to reroute to our Belief Center
• An interview Shaman Cara Lumen who discusses Beliefs and how words we use are powerful
• Question for today is? Where do beliefs come from.

Abraham in Esther Hicks in the book ‘Ask and it is Given’, says our beliefs are just thoughts that we think over and over again repeatedly until we believe those thoughts.

Where do these thoughts come from that turn into Beliefs? Their source must come initially from our parents, our household, or family members were the first impact of words or thoughts that we ever heard. On a conscious level, it would seem to be the case that they come from our immediate surroundings. 

Do you believe the same kinds of things that your mother and father believe?

Or have we changed our beliefs? I would say yes because most of us have similar, maybe not exactly, but you'll hear many say, as we get older, Oh my gosh...I sound exactly like my mother or my father. Whether we like it or not, that does seem to be the case.

Then we develop coping skills or ways to problem solve in our life circumstances.  We all have to figure these kinds of problems out. But, from a child’s viewpoint.

I learned about brain development through Graduate school to be a licensed counsel, but I am no means a neurologist, nor an expert on the brain.  But, I do understand that the emotional brain that is developed starting at 6 months before our rational brain, which starts to develop with rational analytic kind of understanding starting at 12 years and it keeps developing  even until 25 years old or 35 years old. No wonder males must be 25 to rent a car. And the insurance industry has higher rates for males under 25 yr. old.

So, if our emotional brain starts at 6 months and we use it figure out how to get our needs met. We cry and wait to see if someone comes.   We can have an emotional reaction if we get our needs met or if we don’t get them met.   What happens, if no one does come when we are hungry? What do you think that little brain does?  Or if that little brain has pain instilled when it does cry to get it needs met? You can see that many things are happening in our little brains that could affect it.

What do you thinks going on emotionally in a household at 6 months old?  Siblings loving on you or they could be abusing you. Your parents could be loving you or they could be neglecting you. You can almost understand the emotional response to each of these one of these situations on brain development.  I understood as I learned about childhood development that there is such thing as learned helplessness. This could start to happen even to A baby or even a person later in life.  Because of our emotional responses to situations.

In this experiment about Learned Helplessness from Graduate School, there were experiments with rats, that were used to see their response to a Surface with one half that is electrified, and the other half was not. One rat could go between the two sides and get off of the electrified surface and of course they would feel better. The other rat could only stay on the electrified surface and couldn’t get off it.

It was not enough electricity so that it would kill the rat it was just painful and at some point, because the pain did not stop they gave up trying.

This is where the term learned helplessness came about. At some point you give up when things are just are too painful and it things don’t get better or stop. There seems to be no way out we just stopped trying. How sad is that to give up or succumb to a life experience because you can’t figure a way out.

Can you see how victim thinking could start very early when there is no way out for a child under age 12, when you don’t have the cognitive abilities to discern or figure out options. Or how personality disordered can start to manipulate the situation to get your way, If it works then you repeat it, maybe through life.  If if doesn’t work what happens to that child?  Maybe they lash out, get angry and believe that the work is not a safe place to live. 

This one Belief can make or Break a child’s view of the world.  Is it a safe place or not?

I remember being at seminar with Tony Robbins, the great Motivational Speaker, 35 years ago and He had just written his first book was ‘Unlimited Power’, he said that 90% of our beliefs are formed by the time we are 8 years old and 95% of our Beliefs by the time we are18 yrs.  That is a means what we belief when we young stick with us for life.

No wonder they call it the formative years.

Aristotle the Greek philosopher once said “Give me a child until he is 7 and I will show you the man”

So what can we do about changing our Beliefs?

1. Understanding these Belief points can help you understand why people do what they do and believe the things that they do. It might make you more compassionate and help you understand how to respond. Maybe you don’t respond to their reaction, you respond to what they may not understand.
2. I hope this Helps you to be kinder to yourself and to understand where your beliefs are coming from. It’s a child’s view. Maybe that is why you are the way you are and if you don’t like it, be aware of it and Change it.
3. Beliefs are just thoughts that we have thought over and over again until we believe them.
4. You can change your Beliefs by being AWARE of them. Notice what you’re your thoughts are to change them or notice your emotions which are your internal guidance system is showing you your emotional reaction to your own thoughts.
5. This is what my ACT method is based on. That you can start for free on my website anxiety simplified.net. Be aware to change the thought feeling combination. Then be consistent until you change the belief.
6. Being Aware of your thoughts is key to be able to change them. Since if these started as a young child, you aren’t aware of them.
7. Tony Robbins recommends: Change your physiology, standup if you are siting. Change the room you are in. Get lower or higher in relation to a person you are conversing with changes the dynamics. Or Change the meaning your attribute to a thing.  Tony Robbins said change words of angry to: “I am peeved.”  How can you stay angry when you say the word ‘peeved’? In his book ‘Unlimited Power’ create new metaphor for the situation or emotion in your life to change it.
8. Change your focus- Give a negative emotion 90 seconds then change it to a positive one. Mel Robbins, 5 seconds.
9. We will hear know from Cara Lumen who has the Deeper Song community as a spiritualist and Philosopher on the way our words effect the way we look at the world so we call can enjoy more.

Join the Conversation

Our favorite part of recording is answering your questions, from Face book at AnxietySimplified.net.  Leave comments in the comment section, we will answer on a Podcast on that subject.  So, listen for your question.  Or share it with someone who may be helped with that answer. 

Our next podcast: Quotes to Overcoming obstacles with Meredith Alexander.

See other podcast at AnxietySimplified.net